Technical Collapse

"Conference USA promised 'appropriate action' against the officials calling a technical foul on Houston coach Tom Penders, who had collapsed on the sidelines with 52.6 seconds to play in the first half.

Official John Hampton, thinking that Penders was reacting to a foul on the Cougars during Saturday's game at UAB, called a technical on the prone Houston coach.

Even when Penders was rushed off the court on a stretcher, the three-man crew refused to rescind the technical."

Tough refs.

New Strong Bad E-mail

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A rockin' cool e-mail.

Bill Simmons' Conference Championship Picks

"Q: Two words -- Tanith Belbin. The hottest athlete I've seen, maybe EVER ... She was SO HOT that I sat there on Thursday Jan.12, and watched an entire three minutes of ice dancing, simply because of Tanith Belbin. She was so hot that I lost all sense of judgement. I was actually saying that the ice-dancing choreography was really good and "Wow, look at her skates!!" I realized afterward that it was similar to the "South Park" episode about Bebe's Boobs. If you've never seen it, this fourth grade girl starts to get boobs, and all the boys are possessed, thinking all sorts of nonsense like, "Bebe is really smart" and "I wish I could be more like Bebe" ... Then they all start fighting over her like cavemen/monkeys ... All because of her boobs. The moral of all this -- I got sucked in by some hot broad on TV, who I will never even see in person ... She made me watch ice dancing!!! She made me make my friends watch the same performance later that night ... And guess what! They loved her! Even ridiculously hot women on television, who really aren't even physically within 2 feet of you, whom you are NEVER even going get a piece from, can make you do things you normally would never think of doing. God bless 'em ... or damn them all to hell. Either way, she's still hot and I will look forward to the ice-dancing championships at this year's Olympics.
-- Blaise, San Diego

SG: See, this is the stuff you don't get in Sports Illustrated's Winter Olympics preview."

Ikea and Sheed

"FUCK! Why the hell won’t this line up? I mean, Sheed followed the directions perfectly, and this cheap piece of crap still be wobbling around like a junkie down by Baggley Ave. And why are there no freakin' words with these directions? Just pictures? I mean, how is Sheed suppose to properly decipher this garbage? Where are the words? Give Sheed some words damnit!

Paris Hilton Pees in Cabs

"Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab. Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress was too drunk to notice that she pissed on herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up."

I can't tell you how shocked I am. No, really.

Bill Cosby Sings!

Colin Farrell Sex Tape Transcript

You'd have expected Linkorama to have had a link up to this video a couple of weeks ago, but the sites that have had this tape are either always down or gone after a short time.

Luckily this blog has a transcript of Little C hard at work, without actually having to see Little C hard at work. Enjoy.

TLC Tugger

"The trick to making your glans as pleasure-receptive as possible is keeping it covered with your own skin. This way you avoid the drying and abrasive effects of clothing, bedding, or the air.

Even if you're circumcised, you can probably pull enough of your remaining skin forward to cover your glans. Our tapeless YOUR-SKIN Restoration Cone™ (patent pending) helps you keep your own skin in a covering position. Wear it discreetly under briefs during the day, and to bed at night.

It hangs on by itself with absolutely no adhesive or tape (guaranteed), but removes instantly for urination or intimacy."

World's Funniest Blonde Joke

If you don't find this funny you don't have a sense of humour.

Mel Gibson to Sue Mel Gibson

Personally I blame the Jews.

Dodge the Dot

(flash)

A very simple, and annoyingly addictive, flash game.

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure

"Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ"

New Strong Bad E-mail

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Brainkreig! \m/

Celebrity Swearing

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A never shown cinema ad from British TV station Channel 4 asking some celebrities from their programmes what their favourite swear word is - managing to tot up nine cunts in ninety seconds. Can't think why it was banned.

Mine is, was and ever will be motherfucker.

7 Pound Dildo

(embedded video)

7 Pound Dildo vs A Human Face =

Bill Simmons NFL Playoffs Round 2 Picks

"That reminds me, I know the extra bulk is part of the Bettis package, but isn't there a difference between 'carrying a little extra weight' and 'looking like Chris Farley doing the Motivational Speaker sketch'? How could Bettis possibly be in shape? He's all stomach fat and butt crack at this point. What happens if they need a few extra carries from him in an overtime game or something? It's acceptable to be a professional athlete with a 49.9 percent body fat percentage? Nobody has a problem with this? Poor Jerome is crammed into that XXL Steelers jersey like Kelly Osbourne trying to slide into one of Hillary Duff's Juicy Couture cutoff T-shirts. Does he have to pay William 'the Refrigerator' Perry royalties every time he scores?"

New Homestar Runner

(embedded video)

Happy Trogday.

The Song Tapper

"Let's say you have a song stuck in your head, and you don't know the name of it. Never fear! Load up our search screen, and try tapping the rhythm of the song on your space bar while humming the tune. Tap the space bar for each syllable that you sing. It's that simple!"

I'm trying to get it to find 4'33" by Jogn Cage, but I'm not having much luck.

Versus

finally the age old battle of Danzig vs Rollins is decided. Nice template too.

Stephen Colbert vs Conan O'Brien

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Makes David Letterman vs Bill O'Reilly look like Mohammed Ali vs Leon Spinks II.

Blow Jobs for Jesus

Former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch left the band and became a born again Christian. All power to him, but he could of picked a better url for his website.

KKK Brother From Another Planet

"About 25 years ago, Ron Stallworth was asked to lead the Ku Klux Klan chapter in Colorado Springs. Problem was, the outgoing Klan leader didn't know that Stallworth is black.

'He asked me to take over the lead because I was a good, loyal Klansman,' said Stallworth, who had been in constant phone contact with the Klan leader while leading a yearlong Colorado Springs police investigation into the Klan."

Where the white women at?

Greeting the 500

Michael bets Jules that he can't meet 100 famous people from a list of 500 he's drawn up in six months. Jules takes the bet and starts a blog about it.

Needless to say this bet was made in a pub.

The Vampire Governor

"Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year?

Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a 'satanic dark priest' and the leader of the 'Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.'"

He's got my vote.

Online Ouija Board

"Welcome! This is a web-based "witchboard" similar to Hasbro's Ouija Board. You should first ask yourself a question and then use your mouse as an electronic planchette. The most fun can be had when several people play with each person putting one hand on the mouse"

E97QGR, what can it mean?

Turn Your Toothbrush Into a Lock Pick

All very good, but I think most people would want their electric toothbrush converted into another vibrating tool. Not me though, I already own an extensive collection of butt plugs.

New Weebl & Bob

(flash)

The 100th episode of W&B and probably the longest too.

SelfNutPunch.com

Guess what this site is about. Go on.

Garfield Randomizer

This website will make up a Garfield strip by showing three random cells. It's surprising how many of the random strips actually work. Reminds me of when Garfield used to be funny.

My First Goatse

A gallery of photos on Flickr of people seeing Goatse for the first time.

Femmes Invisible

I've had a few invisible girlfriends in my time, although I grew out of it when I hit 14.

Clerks II Teaser Trailer

(embedded video)

I can't fucking wait.

Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation

(very NSFW)

"The Los Angeles Shakers' star player, Tobey Bryan, is in trouble. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation delves into the sordid life of a rich, powerful sports superstar who craves anal sex as much as he covets another championship ring. When you have a sneaker named after you, women tend to be quite accommodating. Blowjobs, threesomes and gangbangs come as easy as a snap of your fingers. Jock-loving babes will ride your rod then beg for a load of hot jizz on their face. But our booty-banging hero learns that celebrity sex isn't all fun and games; when he sticks his dick in the wrong tramp, all hell breaks loose. The verdict is in: Tobey Bryans's Backcourt Violation is a hardcore winner."

I have no idea who this film is based on, but it features the best named pornstar in the history of pornstar names. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you Trevor.

From Deadspin

The Best UFO Pictures Ever Taken

The best collection of hubcap photos on the net.

Hear God's Voice, or Your Money Back

"Christian Author Mark Virkler is offering a money-back guarantee on his latest book, How to Hear God’s Voice. His years of success teaching this method around the world and the biblical promises that we can hear from God are the driving forces behind this audacious move."

I tried it and I heard God singing "Louie Louie".

New Strong Bad E-mail

(flash)

Fast times at Strong Bad High.

WrestleCrap Workout War

Richard Simmons vs The Ultimate Warrior vs Chyna. There are no winners in war and this contest proves it. We can at least thank God that only one of them has released a homemade porn film. So far ...

Jesus and Silent Bob

"Jesus was almost certainly a cannabis user and an early proponent of the medicinal properties of the drug, according to a study of scriptural texts published this month. The study suggests that Jesus and his disciples used the drug to carry out miraculous healings."

Explains the long hair and sandals.

Putting Bunnies in a Trance

"Putting bunnies in a trance can be very useful when you need to trim toenails, give medicines or calm a panicky bunny. To trance a bunny, you need to flip them over on their back and pet their cheeks and nose area at the same and they should start to go out. "

Bill Simmons' NFL Wildcard Picks

"One of the prevailing themes of 2005 was that Tom Cruise turned into an insane person. I made that joke. You made that joke. Everyone made that joke. But when you watch 'Cocktail' again -- a movie that was released in 1988, by the way -- it becomes abundantly clear that Cruise was bonkers way back then. Just watch the 'Addicted For Love'/bottle-flipping scene again, it's absolutely no different than his doing somersaults on Oprah's sofa. In fact, his performance on 'Oprah' was lifted right out of this movie. They're the same guy.

Here's the point: Cruise didn't change ... we changed. He's always been crazy. He tried to tell us in 'Cocktail,' we just never realized it. Now we know. And the same goes for Round 1 of the playoffs. It's always been screwed up, it's always been tough to pick four winners, but the biggest difference in 2006 is that there aren't any crappy coaches or crummy QBs to make it easier. There's no Anthony Wright at home, no Jake Plummer on the road, no Mike Sherman, no Mike Martz. Hence, there are no layups. We just have to work a little harder at figuring this out, that's all. Just know that Round 1 has ALWAYS been crazy. Just like Tom Cruise."

Fork Art

I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. Forks.

Become Steven Seagal's Assistant

"I was told that I would travel the world on a private jet and make $800/week. Sounded pretty good (except for the S. Seagal part). Then I started asking questions: Turns out you have to keep a 12-20 person entourage including personal chef, monks, and body guards happy at all times."

Oh, and you get as many free Steven Seagal energy drinks as you can keep down.

The Official David Hasselhoff Paper Airplane

"Your prayers have been answered. In no time at all you could be throwing lovely Dave's face around the room. Just print-out the airplane template and follow the folding instructions. It's that easy!"

Since I'm slowly taking this PC apart ready for my new machine this weekend I don't actually have a printer hooked up right now, but as soon as I do I'm so printing this out.

Rocket Bike

"For rocket designer Tim Pickens, a rocket on two wheels is the next best thing to a spaceship. 'At heart we're a bunch of guys wanting to go to space, and we can't afford it,' says Pickens of himself and his rocket-scientist brethren, most of whom never get to ride their own creations. 'Basically it's my own subscale space program.'"

An early contender for the 2006 Darwin Awards.

You Gotta Love WalMart

"Can anyone explain how listing biographies of Martin Luther King, Jack Johnson and Dorothy Dandridge under the 'similar products' category with Planet of the Apes looks anything but awful?"

And when I say love I of course mean hate.

Bill Simmons' Rose Bowl Diary

"8:17 -- Highlight of the game so far: LeAnn Rimes belting out the National Anthem, followed by a cut to Matt Leinart with a pensive, 'Have I had her yet?' look on his face. He's the best. We need to figure out a way to get him on the Jets next year."

Click Here You Idiot

Bride of Satan

"Register offices in Holland have been flooded with requests for couples who want to get married on the 6/6/06.

They believe it is because of the reference in Revelations to 666 as the 'Number of the Beast'. So far, 17 couples have applied to marry in the Dutch city of Enschede on June 6"

FrenchMaid TV

"Welcome to the Official French Maid TV website. Here you can find information about each French Maid, watch the French Maid TV episodes as they become available, check out other podcasting sites, and buy some awesome French Maid TV gear. Have a look around and see if anything excites you."

David Letterman vs Bill O'Reilly

(.wmv file, 27.4mb download)

O'REILLY: No way that a terrorist that blows up women and children is going to be called a freedom fighter on my program. (applause)

LETTERMAN: I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling that about 60 percent of what you say is crap (laughter)...

O'REILLY: 60?

LETTERMAN: 60 percent...I'm just spitballing here.

From Crooks and Liars

Fred Durst is a Moron

"US rocker FRED DURST insists he would be an acclaimed film director if his band LIMP BIZKIT hadn't enjoyed so much success ...

... 'I want to be beside MARTIN SCORSESE and WES ANDERSON and PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON and FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA. I'm a real director'"

Like I said, a moron.

Bill Gates is a Pussy

"Microsoft’s MSN Spaces continues to censor its Chinese language blogs, and has become more aggressive and thorough at censorship since I first checked out MSN’s censorship system last summer. On New Years Eve, MSN Spaces took down the popular blog written by Zhao Jing, aka Michael Anti. Now all you get when you attempt to visit his blog at: http://spaces.msn.com/members/mranti/ is an error message."

Like I said, a pussy.

Mel Gibson is Nuts

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Nuttier than squirrel shit.

Marcus Vick, Pure Class

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This clip shows Virginia Tech QB Marcus "brother of Michael" Vick stamping on Louisville defense end Elvis Dumervil. After the game Vick said it was an accident and that he apologised to Dumervil after the game. Dumervil has said that Vick never spoke to him post-game.

What an asshole.

Association of Independent Competitive Eaters

"AICE is an organization composed of Independent Competitive Eaters who are interested in Competitive Eating as a sport and entertainment. Its core membership is composed mostly of professional competitive eaters."

Drunk Pilot Attempting to Take off

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Maybe he's not drunk at all and just fancied lying on the beach for a while. In his plane.

Goatse Wedding Ring

When I finally do get married (probably by buying an East European bride of eBay) I'll be straight back to this site to shell out the $25 for this timeless piece of jewellery.

Stabilized Zapruder Film

(.mov file, 6.5mb download)

A QuickTime file that shows the notorious Zapruder film without all that camera bounce. Or is it?

The JFK conspiracy is finally solved. Or has it?

Personally I still think it was John Peel. Or was it?

eBay Tat of the Day

Why is all the good stuff sold before I find it?

World's Largest Keyboard

Now that's a big fucking keyboard.