How the USA Will Invade Canada

"The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called 'Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan -- Red,' with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north."

1. Invade Canada
2. ?
3. Profit!

Five Weirdest Things Found in Drains This Year

"1. Vicksburg, Miss. — A crew excavating a residential sewer main on April 22 dug up a live Civil War cannon shell, believed to be left from Union Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's 1863 siege of the city. An Army Ordnance disposal team removed it, the company said."

Reminds me of the drain problems I had earlier this year. Nothing weird about it though, just very very smelly.

Bill Simmons' NFL Week 17 Picks

"NINERS (+1.5) over Texans

Ladies and gentlemen, at long last, the Reggie Bush Bowl! Sure, it's a little tainted because the Saints probably will get the No. 1 pick if the Texans win, but still … it's the Reggie Bush Bowl! Before the Niners were eliminated, one of my readers suggested that Bush should be hanging in a cage about 40 feet above the field during the entire game, kinda like when the WWE has a ladder match for a title and the championship belt hangs over the ring. I loved that idea. But since the Niners screwed everything up by shocking the Rams last week, we need to come up with another hook.

So here's my idea …

I assume that Bush would rather play for the Texans than the Saints, given that the Saints' franchise is such a mess right now thanks to the heartless owner. So if Bush wants to play for the Texans, here's what he should do: Sneak into the Niners' locker room before Sunday's game, pull a Lt. Frank Drebin and knock Frank Gore unconscious, then tie Gore up in the trainer's room, put on Gore's helmet and uniform and subsequently rush for about 300 yards against the Texans. The best part would be the stunned look on Dom Capers' face as Bush/Gore kept breaking 40-yard runs. Oh, wait, Capers always looks like that. But this would be cool. You have to admit."

100 Things we Didn't Know This Time Last Year

"99. The Japanese word "chokuegambo" describes the wish that there were more designer-brand shops on a given street."

Top 10 Weirdest Case Mods

Catty v3

"Catty v3 is an exercise in artificial futility. It is a chatter bot that does not try to understand or simulate human language, cannot learn, does not know meanings, knows no facts. Instead, it interfaces you to the entire web by using Google search engine to look up sentences that may be relevant to what you are saying."

[You] Hi, I'm vorbis
[Cat] Catholic Priestablished Hi I am a Catholic priestablished would you like to join our church?

13 Things That do not Make Sense

"8 The Pioneer anomaly

THIS is a tale of two spacecraft. Pioneer 10 was launched in 1972; Pioneer 11 a year later. By now both craft should be drifting off into deep space with no one watching. However, their trajectories have proved far too fascinating to ignore.

That's because something has been pulling - or pushing - on them, causing them to speed up. The resulting acceleration is tiny, less than a nanometre per second per second. That's equivalent to just one ten-billionth of the gravity at Earth's surface, but it is enough to have shifted Pioneer 10 some 400,000 kilometres off track. NASA lost touch with Pioneer 11 in 1995, but up to that point it was experiencing exactly the same deviation as its sister probe. So what is causing it?"

SpongeBob SquarePants Iron Maiden Covers

Coming soon .... Mary, Mungo and Midge Extreme Noise Terror album covers.

The Smoking Gun's Mug Shots of the Year

If I ever get arrested I'm going to put stuffed llama down as my occupation.

Bill Simmons on the "End" of MNF

"And that's what confused me about Monday night's telecast -- they were saying good-bye to an era that everyone had already dismissed and digested. Sure, I miss Cosell and Dandy Don, but I also miss seeing Charlene Tilton in her soaked bathing suit after falling into the dunk tank on 'Battle of the Network Stars.' What's the point? The fact remains, 'Monday Night' started losing its cultural relevancy in the early '80s, as soon as everyone started getting cable and Cosell called Alvin Garrett 'that little monkey' during a Redskins game in 1983. Once everyone realized that the man was slowly losing his mind, that was it for him and the show. It became a simple prime-time sporting event after that."

I Got Problems.com

Type in your problem, wait for people to suggest solutions to it. Simple.

I now no longer have any problems.

George W. Bush's Mutant Wasp Army

"Scientists started working with the species, a type of parasitic wasp called Microplitis croceipes, decades ago — long before the terrorist attacks in 2001.

In the 1990s, the Defense Department paid for part of that work to find out whether wasps could be used for a variety of defense purposes, including sniffing out land mines. They couldn't do that well because the areas they would have to check are too vast."

So next time you see a wasp don't kill it, you could be committing a felony.

Goatse License Plate

I did say that I wouldn't be posting here until after the holidays, but I have a couple of days between Christmas and New Years with nothing to do so I thought I'd fill them by surfing the usual crappy sites and posting the links here to anything interesting I find.

And what better way to celebrate the birth of that Jesus guy than with your very own Goatse license plate?

Holiday

This will be the last post on Linkorama until 2006.

I'm just about to head off to Jamaica for a week's break, then when I get back I'll be staying with my parents over Christmas and New Year.

Have a great holiday and I'll be back in early Jan with all the usual crappy links.

South Park Season 9, Episode 13

(.rm file, 36.5mb torrent)

Free Willzyx

A “talking” whale inspires the fourth-graders to risk everything to return him to his family. With the police on their tails, the boys enlist the help of a foreign government and embark upon an adventure you’ll not soon forget. One in which the boys learn just how far you would go for a friend.

From MrTwig.net

Crying While Eating

I feel your pain Hank and Earl.