Last Link

Linkorama is no more.

I've decided bring these posts back to the main SSW blog. So click the title above to see all the usual crap.

Blind Students Required to Pass Driver's Ed

"Most high school students eagerly await the day they pass driver’s education class. But 16-year-old Mayra Ramirez is indifferent about it.

Ramirez is blind, yet she and dozens of other visually impaired sophomores in Chicago schools are required to pass a written rules-of-the-road exam in order to graduate — a rule they say takes time away from subjects they might actually use."

Makes sense to me. Last think you'd want is to have blind people driving around without knowning the rules of the road.

ESPN Screw ups

Hoth 2014

"Whether it involves American Idol or fallen idols (Michelle Kwan and Bode Miller) it appears the Olympics are getting less and less popular with the American public.

In order to revive the Winter Games and to help NBC out of their rating nosedive we devised the following plan that would grab a hold of the public consciousness here in the US as well with viewers around the world.

We believe the 2014 XXII Winder Olympiad should be hosted and held on the ice planet made famous in Star Wars Episode V ...

Hoth."

The World's 10 Worst Dictators

Kim Jong-il is going to be pissed when he finds out he only made it to #2 on the list again. Alec Baldwin has already gone into hiding.

Spoof Vernon Robinson Ad

(.wmv file, 1.86mb download)

Wait, this breaking news report just in. This is actually a real political ad.

from Crooks and Liars

Snakes on a Blog

This site charts one man's attempt to get an invite to the Premiere of 'Snakes on a Plane', which is without a doubt the most eagerly anticipated movie release in the history of the universe.

My Cute Pussy

"My name is Naru, I find English to be little difficult. I am from Osaka in Japan. I think my number one love is pussy! I do occasionally look at pussy pictures and find them very cute! I have only one pussy, I like to pet it. It is smooth. Do you like my pussy? You should also send pussy picture to me, I will enjoy it, it makes Naru happy! Naru is silly sometimes, and favorite is to take picture of my pussy in my mouth! My friend laugh at it."

A Day in the life of Natalie Portman

Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations

9. Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite

VIC-TOR-IA

"When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of mischeivous little bastards from the Cal student section had been IM'ing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this nubile co-ed back in Westwood after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison"

Just think how different the world might be now if Kerry tried this with Bush during the election.

Oh, and I'm back. Hello.

Technical Collapse

"Conference USA promised 'appropriate action' against the officials calling a technical foul on Houston coach Tom Penders, who had collapsed on the sidelines with 52.6 seconds to play in the first half.

Official John Hampton, thinking that Penders was reacting to a foul on the Cougars during Saturday's game at UAB, called a technical on the prone Houston coach.

Even when Penders was rushed off the court on a stretcher, the three-man crew refused to rescind the technical."

Tough refs.

New Strong Bad E-mail

(flash)

A rockin' cool e-mail.

Bill Simmons' Conference Championship Picks

"Q: Two words -- Tanith Belbin. The hottest athlete I've seen, maybe EVER ... She was SO HOT that I sat there on Thursday Jan.12, and watched an entire three minutes of ice dancing, simply because of Tanith Belbin. She was so hot that I lost all sense of judgement. I was actually saying that the ice-dancing choreography was really good and "Wow, look at her skates!!" I realized afterward that it was similar to the "South Park" episode about Bebe's Boobs. If you've never seen it, this fourth grade girl starts to get boobs, and all the boys are possessed, thinking all sorts of nonsense like, "Bebe is really smart" and "I wish I could be more like Bebe" ... Then they all start fighting over her like cavemen/monkeys ... All because of her boobs. The moral of all this -- I got sucked in by some hot broad on TV, who I will never even see in person ... She made me watch ice dancing!!! She made me make my friends watch the same performance later that night ... And guess what! They loved her! Even ridiculously hot women on television, who really aren't even physically within 2 feet of you, whom you are NEVER even going get a piece from, can make you do things you normally would never think of doing. God bless 'em ... or damn them all to hell. Either way, she's still hot and I will look forward to the ice-dancing championships at this year's Olympics.
-- Blaise, San Diego

SG: See, this is the stuff you don't get in Sports Illustrated's Winter Olympics preview."

Ikea and Sheed

"FUCK! Why the hell won’t this line up? I mean, Sheed followed the directions perfectly, and this cheap piece of crap still be wobbling around like a junkie down by Baggley Ave. And why are there no freakin' words with these directions? Just pictures? I mean, how is Sheed suppose to properly decipher this garbage? Where are the words? Give Sheed some words damnit!

Paris Hilton Pees in Cabs

"Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab. Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress was too drunk to notice that she pissed on herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up."

I can't tell you how shocked I am. No, really.

Bill Cosby Sings!

Colin Farrell Sex Tape Transcript

You'd have expected Linkorama to have had a link up to this video a couple of weeks ago, but the sites that have had this tape are either always down or gone after a short time.

Luckily this blog has a transcript of Little C hard at work, without actually having to see Little C hard at work. Enjoy.

TLC Tugger

"The trick to making your glans as pleasure-receptive as possible is keeping it covered with your own skin. This way you avoid the drying and abrasive effects of clothing, bedding, or the air.

Even if you're circumcised, you can probably pull enough of your remaining skin forward to cover your glans. Our tapeless YOUR-SKIN Restoration Cone™ (patent pending) helps you keep your own skin in a covering position. Wear it discreetly under briefs during the day, and to bed at night.

It hangs on by itself with absolutely no adhesive or tape (guaranteed), but removes instantly for urination or intimacy."

World's Funniest Blonde Joke

If you don't find this funny you don't have a sense of humour.

Mel Gibson to Sue Mel Gibson

Personally I blame the Jews.

Dodge the Dot

(flash)

A very simple, and annoyingly addictive, flash game.

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure

"Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ"

New Strong Bad E-mail

(flash)

Brainkreig! \m/

Celebrity Swearing

(flash)

A never shown cinema ad from British TV station Channel 4 asking some celebrities from their programmes what their favourite swear word is - managing to tot up nine cunts in ninety seconds. Can't think why it was banned.

Mine is, was and ever will be motherfucker.

7 Pound Dildo

(embedded video)

7 Pound Dildo vs A Human Face =

Bill Simmons NFL Playoffs Round 2 Picks

"That reminds me, I know the extra bulk is part of the Bettis package, but isn't there a difference between 'carrying a little extra weight' and 'looking like Chris Farley doing the Motivational Speaker sketch'? How could Bettis possibly be in shape? He's all stomach fat and butt crack at this point. What happens if they need a few extra carries from him in an overtime game or something? It's acceptable to be a professional athlete with a 49.9 percent body fat percentage? Nobody has a problem with this? Poor Jerome is crammed into that XXL Steelers jersey like Kelly Osbourne trying to slide into one of Hillary Duff's Juicy Couture cutoff T-shirts. Does he have to pay William 'the Refrigerator' Perry royalties every time he scores?"

New Homestar Runner

(embedded video)

Happy Trogday.

The Song Tapper

"Let's say you have a song stuck in your head, and you don't know the name of it. Never fear! Load up our search screen, and try tapping the rhythm of the song on your space bar while humming the tune. Tap the space bar for each syllable that you sing. It's that simple!"

I'm trying to get it to find 4'33" by Jogn Cage, but I'm not having much luck.

Versus

finally the age old battle of Danzig vs Rollins is decided. Nice template too.