Linkorama

Last Link

2006-03-15T01:33:00.000Z

Linkorama is no more.

I've decided bring these posts back to the main SSW blog. So click the title above to see all the usual crap.

Blind Students Required to Pass Driver's Ed

2006-03-10T18:50:00.000Z

"Most high school students eagerly await the day they pass driver’s education class. But 16-year-old Mayra Ramirez is indifferent about it.

Ramirez is blind, yet she and dozens of other visually impaired sophomores in Chicago schools are required to pass a written rules-of-the-road exam in order to graduate — a rule they say takes time away from subjects they might actually use."

Makes sense to me. Last think you'd want is to have blind people driving around without knowning the rules of the road.

ESPN Screw ups

2006-03-10T18:35:00.000Z

Hoth 2014

2006-03-10T00:02:00.000Z

"Whether it involves American Idol or fallen idols (Michelle Kwan and Bode Miller) it appears the Olympics are getting less and less popular with the American public.

In order to revive the Winter Games and to help NBC out of their rating nosedive we devised the following plan that would grab a hold of the public consciousness here in the US as well with viewers around the world.

We believe the 2014 XXII Winder Olympiad should be hosted and held on the ice planet made famous in Star Wars Episode V ...

Hoth."

The World's 10 Worst Dictators

2006-03-09T23:44:00.000Z

Kim Jong-il is going to be pissed when he finds out he only made it to #2 on the list again. Alec Baldwin has already gone into hiding.

Spoof Vernon Robinson Ad

2006-03-09T23:09:00.000Z

(.wmv file, 1.86mb download)

Wait, this breaking news report just in. This is actually a real political ad.

from Crooks and Liars

Snakes on a Blog

2006-03-09T17:21:00.000Z

This site charts one man's attempt to get an invite to the Premiere of 'Snakes on a Plane', which is without a doubt the most eagerly anticipated movie release in the history of the universe.

My Cute Pussy

2006-03-09T07:50:00.000Z

"My name is Naru, I find English to be little difficult. I am from Osaka in Japan. I think my number one love is pussy! I do occasionally look at pussy pictures and find them very cute! I have only one pussy, I like to pet it. It is smooth. Do you like my pussy? You should also send pussy picture to me, I will enjoy it, it makes Naru happy! Naru is silly sometimes, and favorite is to take picture of my pussy in my mouth! My friend laugh at it."

A Day in the life of Natalie Portman

2006-03-09T05:29:00.000Z

Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations

2006-03-09T02:04:00.000Z

9. Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite

VIC-TOR-IA

2006-03-09T01:59:00.000Z

"When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of mischeivous little bastards from the Cal student section had been IM'ing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this nubile co-ed back in Westwood after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison"

Just think how different the world might be now if Kerry tried this with Bush during the election.

Oh, and I'm back. Hello.

Technical Collapse

2006-01-25T15:46:00.000Z

"Conference USA promised 'appropriate action' against the officials calling a technical foul on Houston coach Tom Penders, who had collapsed on the sidelines with 52.6 seconds to play in the first half.

Official John Hampton, thinking that Penders was reacting to a foul on the Cougars during Saturday's game at UAB, called a technical on the prone Houston coach.

Even when Penders was rushed off the court on a stretcher, the three-man crew refused to rescind the technical."

Tough refs.

New Strong Bad E-mail

2006-01-25T15:02:00.000Z

(flash)

A rockin' cool e-mail.

Bill Simmons' Conference Championship Picks

2006-01-20T19:40:00.000Z

"Q: Two words -- Tanith Belbin. The hottest athlete I've seen, maybe EVER ... She was SO HOT that I sat there on Thursday Jan.12, and watched an entire three minutes of ice dancing, simply because of Tanith Belbin. She was so hot that I lost all sense of judgement. I was actually saying that the ice-dancing choreography was really good and "Wow, look at her skates!!" I realized afterward that it was similar to the "South Park" episode about Bebe's Boobs. If you've never seen it, this fourth grade girl starts to get boobs, and all the boys are possessed, thinking all sorts of nonsense like, "Bebe is really smart" and "I wish I could be more like Bebe" ... Then they all start fighting over her like cavemen/monkeys ... All because of her boobs. The moral of all this -- I got sucked in by some hot broad on TV, who I will never even see in person ... She made me watch ice dancing!!! She made me make my friends watch the same performance later that night ... And guess what! They loved her! Even ridiculously hot women on television, who really aren't even physically within 2 feet of you, whom you are NEVER even going get a piece from, can make you do things you normally would never think of doing. God bless 'em ... or damn them all to hell. Either way, she's still hot and I will look forward to the ice-dancing championships at this year's Olympics.
-- Blaise, San Diego

SG: See, this is the stuff you don't get in Sports Illustrated's Winter Olympics preview."

Ikea and Sheed

2006-01-20T19:13:00.000Z

"FUCK! Why the hell won’t this line up? I mean, Sheed followed the directions perfectly, and this cheap piece of crap still be wobbling around like a junkie down by Baggley Ave. And why are there no freakin' words with these directions? Just pictures? I mean, how is Sheed suppose to properly decipher this garbage? Where are the words? Give Sheed some words damnit!

Paris Hilton Pees in Cabs

2006-01-20T13:24:00.000Z

"Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab. Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress was too drunk to notice that she pissed on herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up."

I can't tell you how shocked I am. No, really.

Bill Cosby Sings!

2006-01-20T13:13:00.000Z

Colin Farrell Sex Tape Transcript

2006-01-20T13:06:00.000Z

You'd have expected Linkorama to have had a link up to this video a couple of weeks ago, but the sites that have had this tape are either always down or gone after a short time.

Luckily this blog has a transcript of Little C hard at work, without actually having to see Little C hard at work. Enjoy.

TLC Tugger

2006-01-20T12:36:00.000Z

"The trick to making your glans as pleasure-receptive as possible is keeping it covered with your own skin. This way you avoid the drying and abrasive effects of clothing, bedding, or the air.

Even if you're circumcised, you can probably pull enough of your remaining skin forward to cover your glans. Our tapeless YOUR-SKIN Restoration Cone™ (patent pending) helps you keep your own skin in a covering position. Wear it discreetly under briefs during the day, and to bed at night.

It hangs on by itself with absolutely no adhesive or tape (guaranteed), but removes instantly for urination or intimacy."

World's Funniest Blonde Joke

2006-01-20T12:25:00.000Z

If you don't find this funny you don't have a sense of humour.

Mel Gibson to Sue Mel Gibson

2006-01-19T19:21:00.000Z

Personally I blame the Jews.

Dodge the Dot

2006-01-18T18:20:00.000Z

(flash)

A very simple, and annoyingly addictive, flash game.

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure

2006-01-18T17:59:00.000Z

"Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ"

New Strong Bad E-mail

2006-01-17T19:53:00.000Z

(flash)

Brainkreig! \m/

Celebrity Swearing

2006-01-16T19:18:00.000Z

(flash)

A never shown cinema ad from British TV station Channel 4 asking some celebrities from their programmes what their favourite swear word is - managing to tot up nine cunts in ninety seconds. Can't think why it was banned.

Mine is, was and ever will be motherfucker.

7 Pound Dildo

2006-01-16T15:54:00.000Z

(embedded video)

7 Pound Dildo vs A Human Face =

Bill Simmons NFL Playoffs Round 2 Picks

2006-01-13T17:48:00.000Z

"That reminds me, I know the extra bulk is part of the Bettis package, but isn't there a difference between 'carrying a little extra weight' and 'looking like Chris Farley doing the Motivational Speaker sketch'? How could Bettis possibly be in shape? He's all stomach fat and butt crack at this point. What happens if they need a few extra carries from him in an overtime game or something? It's acceptable to be a professional athlete with a 49.9 percent body fat percentage? Nobody has a problem with this? Poor Jerome is crammed into that XXL Steelers jersey like Kelly Osbourne trying to slide into one of Hillary Duff's Juicy Couture cutoff T-shirts. Does he have to pay William 'the Refrigerator' Perry royalties every time he scores?"

New Homestar Runner

2006-01-13T17:09:00.000Z

(embedded video)

Happy Trogday.

The Song Tapper

2006-01-13T16:53:00.000Z

"Let's say you have a song stuck in your head, and you don't know the name of it. Never fear! Load up our search screen, and try tapping the rhythm of the song on your space bar while humming the tune. Tap the space bar for each syllable that you sing. It's that simple!"

I'm trying to get it to find 4'33" by Jogn Cage, but I'm not having much luck.

Versus

2006-01-13T16:46:00.000Z

finally the age old battle of Danzig vs Rollins is decided. Nice template too.

Stephen Colbert vs Conan O'Brien

2006-01-12T22:56:00.000Z

(embedded video)

Makes David Letterman vs Bill O'Reilly look like Mohammed Ali vs Leon Spinks II.

Blow Jobs for Jesus

2006-01-12T22:47:00.000Z

Former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch left the band and became a born again Christian. All power to him, but he could of picked a better url for his website.

KKK Brother From Another Planet

2006-01-12T22:35:00.000Z

"About 25 years ago, Ron Stallworth was asked to lead the Ku Klux Klan chapter in Colorado Springs. Problem was, the outgoing Klan leader didn't know that Stallworth is black.

'He asked me to take over the lead because I was a good, loyal Klansman,' said Stallworth, who had been in constant phone contact with the Klan leader while leading a yearlong Colorado Springs police investigation into the Klan."

Where the white women at?

Greeting the 500

2006-01-12T22:29:00.000Z

Michael bets Jules that he can't meet 100 famous people from a list of 500 he's drawn up in six months. Jules takes the bet and starts a blog about it.

Needless to say this bet was made in a pub.

The Vampire Governor

2006-01-12T20:27:00.000Z

"Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year?

Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a 'satanic dark priest' and the leader of the 'Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.'"

He's got my vote.

Online Ouija Board

2006-01-12T13:28:00.000Z

"Welcome! This is a web-based "witchboard" similar to Hasbro's Ouija Board. You should first ask yourself a question and then use your mouse as an electronic planchette. The most fun can be had when several people play with each person putting one hand on the mouse"

E97QGR, what can it mean?

Turn Your Toothbrush Into a Lock Pick

2006-01-11T17:40:00.000Z

All very good, but I think most people would want their electric toothbrush converted into another vibrating tool. Not me though, I already own an extensive collection of butt plugs.

New Weebl & Bob

2006-01-11T00:01:00.000Z

(flash)

The 100th episode of W&B and probably the longest too.

SelfNutPunch.com

2006-01-10T19:52:00.000Z

Guess what this site is about. Go on.

Garfield Randomizer

2006-01-10T19:34:00.000Z

This website will make up a Garfield strip by showing three random cells. It's surprising how many of the random strips actually work. Reminds me of when Garfield used to be funny.

My First Goatse

2006-01-10T19:27:00.000Z

A gallery of photos on Flickr of people seeing Goatse for the first time.

Femmes Invisible

2006-01-10T15:38:00.000Z

I've had a few invisible girlfriends in my time, although I grew out of it when I hit 14.

Clerks II Teaser Trailer

2006-01-09T22:33:00.000Z

(embedded video)

I can't fucking wait.

Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation

2006-01-09T18:34:00.000Z

(very NSFW)

"The Los Angeles Shakers' star player, Tobey Bryan, is in trouble. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation delves into the sordid life of a rich, powerful sports superstar who craves anal sex as much as he covets another championship ring. When you have a sneaker named after you, women tend to be quite accommodating. Blowjobs, threesomes and gangbangs come as easy as a snap of your fingers. Jock-loving babes will ride your rod then beg for a load of hot jizz on their face. But our booty-banging hero learns that celebrity sex isn't all fun and games; when he sticks his dick in the wrong tramp, all hell breaks loose. The verdict is in: Tobey Bryans's Backcourt Violation is a hardcore winner."

I have no idea who this film is based on, but it features the best named pornstar in the history of pornstar names. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you Trevor.

From Deadspin

The Best UFO Pictures Ever Taken

2006-01-09T16:43:00.000Z

The best collection of hubcap photos on the net.

Hear God's Voice, or Your Money Back

2006-01-09T16:27:00.000Z

"Christian Author Mark Virkler is offering a money-back guarantee on his latest book, How to Hear God’s Voice. His years of success teaching this method around the world and the biblical promises that we can hear from God are the driving forces behind this audacious move."

I tried it and I heard God singing "Louie Louie".

New Strong Bad E-mail

2006-01-09T14:42:00.000Z

(flash)

Fast times at Strong Bad High.

WrestleCrap Workout War

2006-01-07T01:19:00.000Z

Richard Simmons vs The Ultimate Warrior vs Chyna. There are no winners in war and this contest proves it. We can at least thank God that only one of them has released a homemade porn film. So far ...

Jesus and Silent Bob

2006-01-07T00:59:00.000Z

"Jesus was almost certainly a cannabis user and an early proponent of the medicinal properties of the drug, according to a study of scriptural texts published this month. The study suggests that Jesus and his disciples used the drug to carry out miraculous healings."

Explains the long hair and sandals.

Putting Bunnies in a Trance

2006-01-06T20:00:00.000Z

"Putting bunnies in a trance can be very useful when you need to trim toenails, give medicines or calm a panicky bunny. To trance a bunny, you need to flip them over on their back and pet their cheeks and nose area at the same and they should start to go out. "

Bill Simmons' NFL Wildcard Picks

2006-01-06T18:58:00.000Z

"One of the prevailing themes of 2005 was that Tom Cruise turned into an insane person. I made that joke. You made that joke. Everyone made that joke. But when you watch 'Cocktail' again -- a movie that was released in 1988, by the way -- it becomes abundantly clear that Cruise was bonkers way back then. Just watch the 'Addicted For Love'/bottle-flipping scene again, it's absolutely no different than his doing somersaults on Oprah's sofa. In fact, his performance on 'Oprah' was lifted right out of this movie. They're the same guy.

Here's the point: Cruise didn't change ... we changed. He's always been crazy. He tried to tell us in 'Cocktail,' we just never realized it. Now we know. And the same goes for Round 1 of the playoffs. It's always been screwed up, it's always been tough to pick four winners, but the biggest difference in 2006 is that there aren't any crappy coaches or crummy QBs to make it easier. There's no Anthony Wright at home, no Jake Plummer on the road, no Mike Sherman, no Mike Martz. Hence, there are no layups. We just have to work a little harder at figuring this out, that's all. Just know that Round 1 has ALWAYS been crazy. Just like Tom Cruise."

Fork Art

2006-01-06T18:41:00.000Z

I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. Forks.

Become Steven Seagal's Assistant

2006-01-06T18:26:00.000Z

"I was told that I would travel the world on a private jet and make $800/week. Sounded pretty good (except for the S. Seagal part). Then I started asking questions: Turns out you have to keep a 12-20 person entourage including personal chef, monks, and body guards happy at all times."

Oh, and you get as many free Steven Seagal energy drinks as you can keep down.

The Official David Hasselhoff Paper Airplane

2006-01-06T02:24:00.000Z

"Your prayers have been answered. In no time at all you could be throwing lovely Dave's face around the room. Just print-out the airplane template and follow the folding instructions. It's that easy!"

Since I'm slowly taking this PC apart ready for my new machine this weekend I don't actually have a printer hooked up right now, but as soon as I do I'm so printing this out.

Rocket Bike

2006-01-06T02:15:00.000Z

"For rocket designer Tim Pickens, a rocket on two wheels is the next best thing to a spaceship. 'At heart we're a bunch of guys wanting to go to space, and we can't afford it,' says Pickens of himself and his rocket-scientist brethren, most of whom never get to ride their own creations. 'Basically it's my own subscale space program.'"

An early contender for the 2006 Darwin Awards.

You Gotta Love WalMart

2006-01-06T02:01:00.000Z

"Can anyone explain how listing biographies of Martin Luther King, Jack Johnson and Dorothy Dandridge under the 'similar products' category with Planet of the Apes looks anything but awful?"

And when I say love I of course mean hate.

Bill Simmons' Rose Bowl Diary

2006-01-05T16:41:00.000Z

"8:17 -- Highlight of the game so far: LeAnn Rimes belting out the National Anthem, followed by a cut to Matt Leinart with a pensive, 'Have I had her yet?' look on his face. He's the best. We need to figure out a way to get him on the Jets next year."

Click Here You Idiot

2006-01-05T16:10:00.000Z

Bride of Satan

2006-01-05T16:07:00.000Z

"Register offices in Holland have been flooded with requests for couples who want to get married on the 6/6/06.

They believe it is because of the reference in Revelations to 666 as the 'Number of the Beast'. So far, 17 couples have applied to marry in the Dutch city of Enschede on June 6"

FrenchMaid TV

2006-01-05T03:29:00.000Z

"Welcome to the Official French Maid TV website. Here you can find information about each French Maid, watch the French Maid TV episodes as they become available, check out other podcasting sites, and buy some awesome French Maid TV gear. Have a look around and see if anything excites you."

David Letterman vs Bill O'Reilly

2006-01-05T03:09:00.000Z

(.wmv file, 27.4mb download)

O'REILLY: No way that a terrorist that blows up women and children is going to be called a freedom fighter on my program. (applause)

LETTERMAN: I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling that about 60 percent of what you say is crap (laughter)...

O'REILLY: 60?

LETTERMAN: 60 percent...I'm just spitballing here.

From Crooks and Liars

Fred Durst is a Moron

2006-01-04T12:46:00.000Z

"US rocker FRED DURST insists he would be an acclaimed film director if his band LIMP BIZKIT hadn't enjoyed so much success ...

... 'I want to be beside MARTIN SCORSESE and WES ANDERSON and PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON and FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA. I'm a real director'"

Like I said, a moron.

Bill Gates is a Pussy

2006-01-03T20:31:00.000Z

"Microsoft’s MSN Spaces continues to censor its Chinese language blogs, and has become more aggressive and thorough at censorship since I first checked out MSN’s censorship system last summer. On New Years Eve, MSN Spaces took down the popular blog written by Zhao Jing, aka Michael Anti. Now all you get when you attempt to visit his blog at: http://spaces.msn.com/members/mranti/ is an error message."

Like I said, a pussy.

Mel Gibson is Nuts

2006-01-03T20:25:00.000Z

(embedded video)

Nuttier than squirrel shit.

Marcus Vick, Pure Class

2006-01-03T19:53:00.000Z

(embedded video)

This clip shows Virginia Tech QB Marcus "brother of Michael" Vick stamping on Louisville defense end Elvis Dumervil. After the game Vick said it was an accident and that he apologised to Dumervil after the game. Dumervil has said that Vick never spoke to him post-game.

What an asshole.

Association of Independent Competitive Eaters

2006-01-03T14:26:00.000Z

"AICE is an organization composed of Independent Competitive Eaters who are interested in Competitive Eating as a sport and entertainment. Its core membership is composed mostly of professional competitive eaters."

Drunk Pilot Attempting to Take off

2006-01-03T14:02:00.000Z

(embedded video)

Maybe he's not drunk at all and just fancied lying on the beach for a while. In his plane.

Goatse Wedding Ring

2006-01-03T13:03:00.000Z

When I finally do get married (probably by buying an East European bride of eBay) I'll be straight back to this site to shell out the $25 for this timeless piece of jewellery.

Stabilized Zapruder Film

2006-01-02T21:56:00.000Z

(.mov file, 6.5mb download)

A QuickTime file that shows the notorious Zapruder film without all that camera bounce. Or is it?

The JFK conspiracy is finally solved. Or has it?

Personally I still think it was John Peel. Or was it?

eBay Tat of the Day

2006-01-02T15:34:00.000Z

Why is all the good stuff sold before I find it?

World's Largest Keyboard

2006-01-02T15:26:00.000Z

Now that's a big fucking keyboard.

How the USA Will Invade Canada

2005-12-31T13:58:00.000Z

"The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called 'Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan -- Red,' with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north."

1. Invade Canada
2. ?
3. Profit!

Five Weirdest Things Found in Drains This Year

2005-12-31T13:53:00.000Z

"1. Vicksburg, Miss. — A crew excavating a residential sewer main on April 22 dug up a live Civil War cannon shell, believed to be left from Union Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's 1863 siege of the city. An Army Ordnance disposal team removed it, the company said."

Reminds me of the drain problems I had earlier this year. Nothing weird about it though, just very very smelly.

Bill Simmons' NFL Week 17 Picks

2005-12-30T23:56:00.000Z

"NINERS (+1.5) over Texans

Ladies and gentlemen, at long last, the Reggie Bush Bowl! Sure, it's a little tainted because the Saints probably will get the No. 1 pick if the Texans win, but still … it's the Reggie Bush Bowl! Before the Niners were eliminated, one of my readers suggested that Bush should be hanging in a cage about 40 feet above the field during the entire game, kinda like when the WWE has a ladder match for a title and the championship belt hangs over the ring. I loved that idea. But since the Niners screwed everything up by shocking the Rams last week, we need to come up with another hook.

So here's my idea …

I assume that Bush would rather play for the Texans than the Saints, given that the Saints' franchise is such a mess right now thanks to the heartless owner. So if Bush wants to play for the Texans, here's what he should do: Sneak into the Niners' locker room before Sunday's game, pull a Lt. Frank Drebin and knock Frank Gore unconscious, then tie Gore up in the trainer's room, put on Gore's helmet and uniform and subsequently rush for about 300 yards against the Texans. The best part would be the stunned look on Dom Capers' face as Bush/Gore kept breaking 40-yard runs. Oh, wait, Capers always looks like that. But this would be cool. You have to admit."

100 Things we Didn't Know This Time Last Year

2005-12-30T16:58:00.000Z

"99. The Japanese word "chokuegambo" describes the wish that there were more designer-brand shops on a given street."

Top 10 Weirdest Case Mods

2005-12-30T16:44:00.000Z

Catty v3

2005-12-30T16:26:00.000Z

"Catty v3 is an exercise in artificial futility. It is a chatter bot that does not try to understand or simulate human language, cannot learn, does not know meanings, knows no facts. Instead, it interfaces you to the entire web by using Google search engine to look up sentences that may be relevant to what you are saying."

[You] Hi, I'm vorbis
[Cat] Catholic Priestablished Hi I am a Catholic priestablished would you like to join our church?

13 Things That do not Make Sense

2005-12-30T02:51:00.000Z

"8 The Pioneer anomaly

THIS is a tale of two spacecraft. Pioneer 10 was launched in 1972; Pioneer 11 a year later. By now both craft should be drifting off into deep space with no one watching. However, their trajectories have proved far too fascinating to ignore.

That's because something has been pulling - or pushing - on them, causing them to speed up. The resulting acceleration is tiny, less than a nanometre per second per second. That's equivalent to just one ten-billionth of the gravity at Earth's surface, but it is enough to have shifted Pioneer 10 some 400,000 kilometres off track. NASA lost touch with Pioneer 11 in 1995, but up to that point it was experiencing exactly the same deviation as its sister probe. So what is causing it?"

SpongeBob SquarePants Iron Maiden Covers

2005-12-30T02:30:00.000Z

Coming soon .... Mary, Mungo and Midge Extreme Noise Terror album covers.

The Smoking Gun's Mug Shots of the Year

2005-12-30T02:24:00.000Z

If I ever get arrested I'm going to put stuffed llama down as my occupation.

Bill Simmons on the "End" of MNF

2005-12-29T16:55:00.000Z

"And that's what confused me about Monday night's telecast -- they were saying good-bye to an era that everyone had already dismissed and digested. Sure, I miss Cosell and Dandy Don, but I also miss seeing Charlene Tilton in her soaked bathing suit after falling into the dunk tank on 'Battle of the Network Stars.' What's the point? The fact remains, 'Monday Night' started losing its cultural relevancy in the early '80s, as soon as everyone started getting cable and Cosell called Alvin Garrett 'that little monkey' during a Redskins game in 1983. Once everyone realized that the man was slowly losing his mind, that was it for him and the show. It became a simple prime-time sporting event after that."

I Got Problems.com

2005-12-29T16:05:00.000Z

Type in your problem, wait for people to suggest solutions to it. Simple.

I now no longer have any problems.

George W. Bush's Mutant Wasp Army

2005-12-29T15:56:00.000Z

"Scientists started working with the species, a type of parasitic wasp called Microplitis croceipes, decades ago — long before the terrorist attacks in 2001.

In the 1990s, the Defense Department paid for part of that work to find out whether wasps could be used for a variety of defense purposes, including sniffing out land mines. They couldn't do that well because the areas they would have to check are too vast."

So next time you see a wasp don't kill it, you could be committing a felony.

Goatse License Plate

2005-12-29T14:39:00.000Z

I did say that I wouldn't be posting here until after the holidays, but I have a couple of days between Christmas and New Years with nothing to do so I thought I'd fill them by surfing the usual crappy sites and posting the links here to anything interesting I find.

And what better way to celebrate the birth of that Jesus guy than with your very own Goatse license plate?

Holiday

2005-12-09T18:19:00.000Z

This will be the last post on Linkorama until 2006.

I'm just about to head off to Jamaica for a week's break, then when I get back I'll be staying with my parents over Christmas and New Year.

Have a great holiday and I'll be back in early Jan with all the usual crappy links.

South Park Season 9, Episode 13

2005-12-02T15:58:00.000Z

(.rm file, 36.5mb torrent)

Free Willzyx

A “talking” whale inspires the fourth-graders to risk everything to return him to his family. With the police on their tails, the boys enlist the help of a foreign government and embark upon an adventure you’ll not soon forget. One in which the boys learn just how far you would go for a friend.

From MrTwig.net

Crying While Eating

2005-12-02T15:43:00.000Z

I feel your pain Hank and Earl.

Marcus Allen's Active Evening

2005-11-28T20:24:00.000Z

"Today’s final athlete run-in story is amazing for three main reasons:

1. It is from “a former NFL employee.”
2. It’s about Marcus Allen, who’s always entertaining.
3. The raw amount of name dropping present here is staggering and epic. We, of course, love that."

Sounds like a normal evening for me here at SSW Towers.

WalMart Dance Party

2005-11-28T18:32:00.000Z

(embedded video)

"What happens when you take a gang of 25 punks, sceneagers and freaks to Wal-Mart for a dance party on the busiest shopping weekend of the year?"

Shockey Shocked

2005-11-28T17:14:00.000Z

An animated .gif of Jeremy Shockey unwinding like a clockwork toy as he realises the last second Jay Feely winning field goal was actually missed. And so were the next two as Seattle beat the Giants 24-21 in OT.

Poor Jeremy.

Roller Derby Injuries

2005-11-28T16:47:00.000Z

No wonder that mouse died, it had no chance.

Robert Plant's Face

2005-11-28T15:08:00.000Z

"Welcome to the Robert Plant's face blog! Here you may post any comments on Robert Plant. Do you think he is too old to rock? Does his face still look presentable?"

Coming Soon ... The Mick Jagger Turkey Neck Blog.

Don't Bomb Us

2005-11-26T01:58:00.000Z

A Blog set up by Al Jazeera staff members after the report that Bush wanted to bomb them.

I'd love to talk more about this, but with the line the British government are taking over this leaked memo I'll probably end up getting my first ever D-Notice.

eBay Tat of the Day

2005-11-25T18:17:00.000Z

$10,000? Ten thousand dollars for a cock shaped rock?

IVR Cheat Sheet

2005-11-25T18:12:00.000Z

Someone seriously needs to make one of these for British companies, specially for British Gas.

Michael "Brownie" Brown Makes a Comeback

2005-11-25T18:03:00.000Z

"DENVER - Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, heavily criticized for his agency's slow response to Hurricane Katrina, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job.

'If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses — because that goes straight to the bottom line — then I hope I can help the country in some way," Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions'

I'd just like to point out that this is a real news story and not something from The Onion.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Global Warming

2005-11-25T12:27:00.000Z

(.mov file, 3.6mb download)

Triumph speaks to a few Republicans who are going to destroy the universe, then blame it on Saddam.

Banned XBox 360 Commercial

2005-11-24T14:43:00.000Z

(embedded video, possible nfsw ads)

You'd have to be seriously over-sensitive to want to ban this, I quite enjoyed it. Maybe the real reason it was banned is that it's impossible for any XBox 360 game to run for 90 seconds without crashing.

A heads up for firefox users. I couldn't get the video to run in ff and had to open the page in IE.

Bill Simmons' NFL Week 12 Picks

2005-11-24T14:34:00.000Z

"Feud of the week: Phil Simms screaming about Steve Young saying Chris Simms wasn't tough enough because he grew up in a "laissez faire atmosphere." Meanwhile, Steve Young came from the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut. You'd hate to see this thing end with somebody getting strangled to death by a Burberry's scarf."

eBay Tat of the Day

2005-11-22T13:39:00.000Z

The person bidding on this is either very stupid or really wants to buy an empty box.